the year of..

It's coming to an end and I can hardly believe it. A whole year, the year of change.

About this time last year, I wrote this post, and wrapped up 2012; the year of adventure. Yes, I name my years each year. Before they happen. 

It's like sometimes God gives me a word for them. Or perhaps, I make them up. 

I had no idea what my past 365 days would hold, and yet now they're done and here I am, sitting on a Friday night, half writing, half packing, thinking, and stressing amidst literally - 12 long to do lists, with a giant American Bulldog cross, sleeping on my lap.

I am however, wearing the worlds most comfortable pants, which makes everything so much more wonderful.

I head off to Kansas City for a Conference tomorrow, I just had Christmas. My brothers arrive in a couple of weeks, and I leave for home in nine. I'm engaged, I have a pReception (a wedding reception before the wedding) in a month, then I'm getting married in May (did you see our save the date?), followed by a reception, and a honeymoon - where, after two ish weeks of marriage my husband goes back to the United States to apply for my greencard, and go to Panama. Of course.

Then back to join me, for a few months of goodness knows what (what will we do? where will we live? which country and continent? I'm not sure). All I know is I'll be a married woman. Goodness, I don't know how to do that.

I'm also selling my car, and trying to publish my book. 

Then sometime in 2015, my green card will theoretically be granted and I'll move back to Omaha, into the 107 year old home, my handyman is fixing up for us.

The floor leans, the kitchen is yellow, the gas stove leaks, and we have a pear tree. I just typed that 'pair tree'. How embarrassing, because we only have one. 

Back to Omaha, where I have been for something over eight months now. Confession: I don't want to come back. 

This year has been difficult. More difficult then I could have ever thought.

And in some ways, I have grown a lot. Or maybe a little, I have a changed alot.  

When I look over the photos of this year, there is a lot of things. So much that happened, so much that changed.

I moved my life, lived overseas, moved house - so many, many times. I got new room mates, bought my first car, started paying rent and learnt to drive on the right hand side of the road.

I graduated with a university degree, and I lived internationally. I spend my first Christmas away from home, I went to Alaska, and Minnesota, and Kansas City, and Seattle airport, and Nebraska, and I saw a moose in the sleugh. The slew? The small river lake where the moose live.

I watched squirrels, experienced a real Autumn where the leaves change, I worked at an Indian Restaurant in Australia, and an Australian themed restaurant in America. I started working full time.

I went to a music concert, traded one youth group for another, I went ice skating on real outside ice, I saw my first snow flake, and I pet a stuffed bear.

 

I cried over visa's, I got engaged in the rain, and I got my first office.

I traded in a long distance relationship for a close distance one, and learnt that relationships are tricky because people are not perfect. Namely, me.

I harlem shaked as a zombie, I rapped a passage out of revelation, turned a whole house into a blanket fort, and found a beer I almost like. I carved a pumpkin, watched 8 crazy nights, was escorted out of a football game, and I sat at the top of a goal post, in the North Pole.

I sat on Santa's lap, skyped my best friend in Germany, made 'will you be my bridesmaid' cards and finished my first, real, I-want-to-publish-this book.  

I frolicked while taking engagement photos, went to a Michael Buble concert, and wrapped my legs around the North Pole.

I went swing dancing, hiked a mountain, attended the DTS reunion, failed a driving test, saw a reindeer, went to a haunted house (never again), had three surprise parties - ate part of my national flag, drove a van, picked paint colours and made some new friends.

I got a sponsor child, learnt to like craft, tolerate cats and make PB & J.

I went white water rafting, I turned 23, I drove a four wheeler, bought a graduation dress, and read (as of last night) the first chapter of Sense and Sensibility. 

And in absolutely no particular order:

I started this at the office, and now I'm home. And if I'm completely honest with you, my plan was to come home and write a bit of a sob story.

A sob story about how difficult this 'year of change' has been for me. Not even circumstantially always, but mentally, so much of the time. 

It's been difficult, it really has, and I have missed home so much, and missed friends and family so deeply, and grieved my future so greatly, and I've felt like a failure, at - pretty much everything, so much of the time.

I don't think I've done a particularly good job, at being .. anything. An employee, a girlfriend/ fiance, a friend, a positive influence, a youth leader, a daughter, a sister, a Christian, a room mate, myself... and to be honest, I've fault more like a fraud, and a failure, most of the time then anything else.

It's been hard, and sometimes, really, really hard.

But now, as I sit and reflect and look back, and upload photos, and count blessings, and think - I see that, when it all comes down to it, this year has been exactly what life is, and what it's supposed to be: a magnificent, marvellous mess.

Just thinking about 2014 sets my heart fluttering (in equal excitement and stress), and I have so many goals. Healthier mind. Healthier body. Healthier relationships. Healthier soul. Write more, publish one. Start up bad photography again, learn to love pre-emptively and uncondiotnally. Dumpster dive, adventure more, hike plenty. Love, and be so still and so active with the Lord.

Get married, love marriage, love Luke. 

I want to thank everyone, (if you're reading this you probably), who has helped me, loved me, put up with me and supported me this year. Those who have listened, asked questions kept contact, skyped, invited me out, held me, encouraged me and forgiven me. 

There are so many people who have welcomed me with open arms, so much of the time when I haven't shown gratitude, or deserved it. And for that, how can I do anything, but be overwhelmed with thankfulness and humbled by such blessing.

I didn't have to think, or guess for next year. No brainstorming, or narrowing down. It came to me. Plainly, and painfully obviously. 

As I count down the last couple of days of the year of change, I'll step into 2014: 'the year of adaption'. 

I pray your transition will be filled with the joy, revelation, comfort and blessings of Jesus, because He is wonderful, and because He is King.

Happy almost New Year, everyone. Make it count!

(side note: any of the wonderful engagement pictures you see featured here, are by the truly fabulous Everlasting Love Photography. Hire Alex! She's bomb)