all I want to do is make pie

My life right now, I don’t really know where to begin.

I have so much going on, and all I want to do is make pie.

made this pie tonight! does it look like vomit?
because it was.
binned it.

I also want to update my blog. Everything. This was originally a 12 month plan. An Orange HOPE, HIV, travels, tales and processing plan. That ends next month, and if you look at my track record, you can slowly see that blogging has gone to the back burner {3 posts in October? Really?}.

I want to write some more. Lots more. I want my life to be filled with things to say. Adventure.

It's comes to a cross road, my life that is. The type in country music songs. With rusty signs, and pick up trucks.

{Apparently more Americans read my blog then Australians, so I have to translate. It’s utes, for those down under}

 (^ my song of the day)

The past two weeks have been all about decisions. Decisions and change.

I’m meant to be studying, and all I want to do is make pie.

soft red liquorice.
the highlight of my study day.

But here is my current wrestle. My tear-my-life-and-heart-apart wrestle:

What does it actually mean to follow Christ. Who is this Christ I’m following.

I’m in a weird place, and everything is changing. I’m learning, that when it comes to decision making, and when it comes to change, I don’t deal well.

oh hey weirdo. 

In fact, I sometimes lie prostrate on the floor and sob over things I’m not sure about.

I think back to this time last year, and I was so excited and terrified of the 2012 to be. I would be away for four months, and then newly indepent in my own home for three. There would be three new countries, and I would need to figure out, once I was graduated, what I wanted to do with my life. And where. I had an exciting Ambassadorship, my parents were moving away, it was all a happening.

recommended. 

And now, I’m sitting on the other side of that. Having been, and loved, and done that school thing, it’s bizarre. Time has gone so quickly. This year has been magical, and Gods hand has been throughout. So much play, and so much fun.

And as I think about next year, and who I am now, and who I want to be, 12 months on; I can’t help but forsee a lot of change. Change, change, change. As in, every single thing that I know.

yes I am just photographing the things around me.

2012 the year of adventure, 2013 the year of change.

A few months of home. Of family time, a book of poems and piano learning. New work, new routine, new who knows what.

{God.}

because when it rains  I miss Seattle.
So I drink from my starbucks mug, and instead be thankful.

Then moving, to a foreign land to do things I don’t know about yet. Oh the lessons I’ll learn.

For the first time I will:

-       Move out of home

-       Buy a car

-       Live where it snows

-       Not live on the coast

-     Get a full time job

-       Run a half marathon

-       Etc etc

I’m moving to Nebraska, did you know that? I’m moving to Nebraska. With a one way ticket, once I graduate. I graduate in April.

What is going on.

I take great comfort right now in the fact that I serve a living God. Who loves me, cares for me, and never leaves me.

Does you spell leaves like that? How odd. It’s the same for tree leaves. The leaves leave. Is that why they are called leaves? The mysteries.

I am about to come into a great deal of time. For the first time in months and months, I’m going to have time.

todays time: study.

That terrifies me.

Some people hide their insecurities behind beards, or words, or heaven forbid – blogging – but I do so with a crazy, busy routine. 12 jobs, give or take, plus school and an Ambassadorship? Wow, I tell myself daily, I AM SO CAPABLE. Pretty impressive, if you ask me.

Not so anymore.

What will I do?

I’m challenged by many things this week. By my priorities, my faith, my heart, my hypocrisy. How and where I spend my time. My lack of trust, lack of faith. And in that inadequacy, the fullness of Christ.

I want to be one who is known for her faith. Who believes in the do not fear. In the do not be afraid. In the take heart, for I have overcome the world.

I need to remodel the sanctuary, and step out in faith.

I have no idea what the future holds, and that is scary. Mighty scary, but I hold the hand that holds the world.

I hold the hand that holds the world.

I have time.

Reasons I know it's exam period:

-  My room is spotless

- I dyed my hair and quit my job

- I'm making pie

- I'm updating my facebook

- I’m blogging

- Just made ice coffee

if you're going to procrastinate, it should contain caffeine.

- Drove to the shops, bought a burrito kit

- My brother is vacuuming

- I took a photo of my brother vacuuming

yep. He's in exams too.

Anyone want to meet for coffee to talk destiny & prayer?

and just to prove my point.
because nobody thinks it looks diffrent.
this is my nasty mane pre dying. 

& one more disgusting angle, to show how dark it is.

now this.
IT'S SO DIFFERENT AND BLONDE.
right?