I am with child.

Okay, I lied.

I am with a child.

I am with a child, in this picture.

Meet Sonali, my sponsor child.

I have been wanting to sponsor a child for a really long time, and I feel like God has placed sponsorship on my heart, for a really long time. But other things; like my pride, selfishness, and greed, have been getting in the way. They have been getting in the way, for a really long time. So please, don't see this post as a 'oh my goodness I'm so great and generous' expression, but quite the opposite. It truly is only the love of Christ that compels and enables me to get past my selfish ways.

But isn't she beautiful? 

I'm really excited. 

She is very welcome.

I pressed the "let Compassion pick for me" button on the website, because just seeing the dozens and dozens of precious faces in need of love and care was too much, and too heart breaking. I wanted to hold, extend my hands to, and love them all. And I have neither the bank account, nor the emotional capacity to sponsor literally thousands of children, and so Sonali came to me, and she is wonderful.

On the top of my 'I-want-to-travel-there' list is India. I have always wanted to go to India, and that is where she is from. She is 10, one of four children, and like so many others around the world, part of a family that struggles to survive.

I am so blessed. In fact, living on more then $10 a day means that I am more blessed (financially and materially) then 80% of the world. I am not just blessed, I am all-capitals BLESSED.

And I love Jesus. And I have a heart, through Him, for the hungry, for the broken, for the poor. 

How then, can I not love others from His love for me?

But if anyone has the worlds goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does Gods love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word, or talk, but in deed and truth.

That is 1 John 3: 17 and 18. And that, is very humbling.

I am very excited to have Sonali as part of my family. I am going to pray for her, write to her and love her, as best as I can. I want to adopt one day, and I feel like child sponsorship is just one way to prepare my heart for that. 

As part of Compassions sponsorship they offer a 31 day prayer guide, to pray for your child. That they will not be one of the 21 000 children under the age of five that die daily from preventable diseases. 

That they will be taught that instead, their life has worth. That they are precious. That that were fearfully and wonderfully made.

 That they will be safe, part of loving families, and part of a caring church community. 

That they will reside in lands and times of peace, that they will value forgiveness, and have the opportunity to receive an education. 

That they will have a safe place to sleep, and a roof over their head. 

That they will safe from abuse, and not join the 1.2 million other children who are still trafficked around the world each year.

 That they will have a childhood, and not join the 215 million child labourers in the world today. 

That they will have safe water to drink, unlike the 884 million others who do not. 

That they will love God, find lasting life in Jesus, be unconditionally loved, have lasting friendships, access to health care and freedom from natural disasters. 

I pray all these things for this one precious child, and for all around the world. 

This world we live in grieves me. I am so many things. So blessed, so selfish, so hardened. 

But aside from that all, I am in Christ. And He loves Sonali. And for some strange reason, He loves me. Next week we celebrate Easter, the ultimate expression of that love.

Our world is so messed up, but we are all created with purpose, and we are never alone. There are things that can be done to fight injustice, and we are asked simply to follow the one that can truly do something about them.

Compassion.

Jesus, help me love.

the eight words of Jonah

When Jonah spoke to the people of Nineveh, his sermon cast the greatest city of the time into a season of deep repentance. Led by the King himself, there was wearing of sack cloth, mass confessions and calls for remorse. Surely, his sermon was great.

Not so. It was only eight words.

"Yet forty days, and Nineveh shall be overthrown!" (Jonah 3:4b)

Jonah was not a great man, nor did he have great words, he simply had the right thing going; He served a great God. That's pretty much the story of the Bible. A great God, using ordinary people for His extraordinary purposes. A great God who, in the book of Jonah, saved a sinful people, listened to their cries and poured on them mercy, and forgiveness in exchange for His righteous wrath. 

It's no secret that I have a word problem. Unlike Jonah, I've never been able to keep within word counts, and I'm super wordy. SUPER wordy. They call my super wordy woman. My youth talks, essays, articles, and blog posts are always too long. Eight words wouldn't even suffice for half my opening sentence, let alone a first thought, or even an introduction {for example, this sentence alone is now 25 words}. But, like with stirring pie crust dough, less is almost always more. Wise people are very rarely wordy people. Wise words are hardly ever long. Being succinct, and being focused, are two things I need to work on, and learn to do much better. 

So here's attempt one. What God has been speaking to me tonight, in eight simple words.

For followers of Christ, life's a love adventure.

I'm just a little bit excited about it.

Sometimes verbalising things can be terrifying. 

"I do", at marriage for one, is a life long commitment.

"You're wrong," "I don't agree" and "I'm sorry" are all personal struggles for me.

"I love you" is a big one. So is a, "I don't love you anymore". 

I never ever can bring myself to say, "you have food in your teeth!," even thought I probably should. I personally have toothpaste around my own mouth about 80% of the time, so I know I appreciate the honesty of others in that area. But still, why can't I ever do the same?

Point being. I'm writing a book.

What?

I'm writing a book. It's currently 17 A4 pages in, and it all started about a week ago. I had an epiphany moment at work and then literally spent the rest of shift jotting down space arrows and ideas, as the links kept forming, and my brain kept thinking. It in fact moved too fast for my little fingers, and a little while later - with a deep breathe and a small rest - there is was. 

The idea I had been stewing over for months, literally, all of a sudden had a few loveable characters and a plot.

A what? A PLOT! The arch nemesis of my writing degree. 

I'm pretty excited about it but still, typing those words are still terrifying.

I'M WRITING A BOOK.

Here's a little, tiny taste:

"I remember the moment so clearly, when it finally became official. I was slumping by the microwave, watching my oatmeal, no – porridge, rotate and rotate around and around. The oats, festering up into a porridge mass, I never understand it. But then it happened, my daughter, Laura, she came down stairs; and it became official. I am, in fact, the worst mother of all time.

Over the past 16 years of her life, I have been gathering evidence to prove that fact, but on this particular morning, it did it, because I thought it {and if I’m honest with myself, not for the first time}; my daughter is a whore.

Gasp away, and shudder, because true or not it’s out there. The thought was there, and there she was; in shorts I couldn’t see beneath her over-sized tank top, a “top” which drooped just low enough to show off most of her lacy black bra. A black which matched the roots of her straw “blonde” hair. And to make matters worse, you know my second thought? Cake-faced raccoon child.

My daughter was a cake-faced raccoon whore, and right there, I officially became the worst mother of all time."

EEP! (and sorry mum about my use of the word "whore")

In other news, THIS happened.

And pretty much explains in video form why I love my youth team so much.

I'M WRITING A BOOK!

watch this space.