why I would win Survivor

So, I'm going to America for a boy. Sure.

But everyone who has known me for more then 5 minutes knows that the real reason I'm going is to (eventually) get a US citizenship, for the sole purpose of being on Survivor.

And don't ask, "oh, that show is still going?" because YES, YES IT IS. And it's awesome. 

Now, I can be pretty humble. I know I'm not good at a lot of things. Like volleyball, bowling, maths, singing, music, making small talk and having "just one tim tam"... to name a few.

But, there are some things in life, that well, I am good at (and I choose to call that honest, as opposed to arrogant). And there isn't a doubt in my mind that I would be good, very good, at Survivor.

I've had about a decade to think about my strategy in full, and my theory is that I would either be voted off first (for some reason Christians almost always are..), or I would make it to the end and win. 

Here's my reasoning :

1. I have watched every season, and nothing gets me more excited. I know the game, I know the patterns, I know how it works. 

2. I like being outdoors. Camping is one of my favourite things in the world, and the thought of wearing no-makeup, boiling water over a fire, eating just rice and wearing the same thing for a month actually excites me. It's also familiar to me. Bring it.

a hideous photo of me tramping through the jungle in a skirt.

wilderness. yeah.

3. I'm a chronic hard worker. I figured out some stuff for my tax today and realised that over the past nine months, I've worked twelve jobs. Many at the same time. I love and thrive off being both productive, and busy. I would work around camp. I love working with my hands. People don't vote off cooks, people don't vote off the hard workers. And I'm addicted to camp fire smell. 

sowed my shoes with floss. 

4. For the first long while, I would keep my mouth shut. 

5. I would make an alliance early. I would grab the strong-willed person, and some other unattractive, lazy people that I could beat, and make a little team. Day one.

6. Lots of women have won Survivor. The trick is be adorable, be loyal, flirt a little, don't be a drop-kick in challenges and align yourself well. I'm such a people pleaser I think I would be okay to keep around. Besides, I have a killer Australian accent right? I plan to exploit that to its full potential.

my favourite survivor ever: Natalie.
/ the future me.

7. For a tiny little person, I'm quite strong. I run 10kms every weekday morning, with weights, and I can hold my own at anything high-ropes related. I can't swim, but I'm planning to get around that by being on an inland season. Yes, I have thought about this way too much.

8. I've already picked out the outfit I would take. A good quality swim-suit, a Tee shirt, and super lame pants with zips at the bottom, to covert them from long to short. I am prepared. And in case you were wandering, my younger brother is coming for the episode where they invite a family member. He already called dibs (alternatively we are going to be on the same season, but pretend we don't know one another. What a scandal).

of all the pictures on the net I picked this one
for obvious reasons

And so in summary.

Watch this space. I'm super determined.

With my mixture of early action, subtle flattery, hard work, all smiles and then big, risky moves at the end, I'm a guaranteed (arrogant) winner. 

Vote for me, America.

and let's be honest, I look great in a buff.