A Guide for Australians moving to the USA (part 2: social do's and dont's & things you've never needed before)

4. SOCIAL DO'S

There are so many wonderful things about this nation. So many fabulous people - some of my absolute favourites - and so many things that I have grown to love and miss. 

Here are some highlights: 

Squirrels. Racoons. Bears. 

Pumpkin patches. Football Games. Apples to Apples.

Country music is socially acceptable. Now, if you're like me who grew up believing and being told that this laughing stock of a music genre was the tunes of the inbred and the outcast, then woah up, hold on. I've been there, I hear you. But the problem was, I never heard it; except being mocked on comedy shows and late night TV.

Here though, it's like, "oh you like country music? thaz cool", like it's not big deal, and last year - through a friend, I got into it. And it's wonderful! Magical, and I tell you, no matter how much of a hater you are, there is nothing, nothing like driving down the highway in Summer, with the windows down, looking out at the corn fields, under the melting sky line, and rocking out to a little Eli Young Band. 

I have willingly and lovingly embraced the country twang, and the swing dance that comes alongside it. Changed my "haha" into "yea-haw", fo sho.

Movies come out earlier. And they are SO cheap in comparison. Your Australian friends will be like, "just saw Toy Story 1" and you'll have the third one out on DVD {which, by the way, you can't take back with you because the DVD zones are different. You can only change it three times without paying on a macbook. Choose wisely}.

And whilst we are on the cheaper theme, everything is cheaper. Well most things. Petrol, food, movies, clothing for the most part. But don't get too crazy, because the second you start working, you'll see why. Kiss your $20 an hour retail jobs goodbye, and say hello to a $2.17 an hour plus tips serving job. I may pay in one month, what my brother pays for one week's rent, but I earn less then half what I used to, and back then I was in school, and now I'm full time working. I got a raise here! Which still brings me up to 2/3rds of Australia's minimum wage.

Wearing joggers and jeans togetther are also borderline socially acceptable attire! My mother and Jonathan Thamby would fit right in. It's not a cause for social isolation to walk outside in that ensemble. It's so funny, so great. 

{kind of like the fact they say 'fanny pack' instead of bum bag.. oh, the irony and brilliance!}

Autumn is Fall, and Fall is beautiful. Leaves do change colours, in abundance, and it's great.

5. SOCIAL DONT'S

Here are some harder things to swallow, and be prepared for.

You only get two weeks paid holiday here. And they call it 'vacation'. As in, National Lampoons Family Christmas Vacation, which so happens to be one of the greatest movies of all time. 

Two short weeks, instead of four. And when you say, "where are you going on holiday?" or really any sentence with the word "holiday" be prepared to be mocked, as if you just said the word with an abundant and expensive thick English accent. They do the same for dance. 

Here's a first world problem if I've ever heard one. If your facebook is set to Australian time, then you will get everybody's birthday notifications a day late, and be that terrible friend who wouldn't have remembered otherwise.

Have a few "haha, whoops with the time change I'm really early, LOL" jokes on hand. On the plus side, you do get a consistent stream of birthday love for 48 hours straight as first your Australian, then your American friends get the festive memo. 

Pumpkin is not a vegetable here, it's a flavour. Pumpkins are hollow. Strange, and pumpkin pie isn't made with real pumpkin. 

When you tell people you roast and eat pumpkin as a food, they kind of tilt their head and smirk to gage whether or not you're joking. You could say, "we eat chalk and candle wax" and they'd probably have the same reaction. 

Pumpkin is only a pseudo food, and it's much more useful for carving then consuming, except as a flavour, in well - all things. Coffee, cakes, m&m's, you name it, they pumpkin it. Nobody seems to understand my "BUT IT'S A VEGETABLE" cries.

They say "green beans" instead of "beans" and "tuna fish" instead of "tuna". Outrageous.

Tipping. Not what you get when you play tag, and to be honest, I still don't really fully understand it. 

The idea is, I guess, that when you have somebody do a service for you - like serve your food, cut your hair, or drive your taxi - you pay for the service product, and then you pay the person separately. Having worked for tips, I see both sides of the coin. Yes, it makes you work harder, better, because often - or at least in theory - you get paid by scale, on the basis of how well you do your job. On the flip side, your pay is inconsistent, and you also get paid on the mood and menstral cycle of the giving individual, their affluence, and how they feel that day. Terrible tips are like getting punched in the stomach, but Australians, don't make my mistake! 

Yes, you do have to tip, and please - tip well. 

The other thing is tax, tax is not included. So just because something says "$1.99" on the shelf, doesn't mean it will be $1.99 when you pay for it. Tax is added at the register. Don't meet them with your shady, sly eyes; they're not tricking you, that's just the way it is. Erase "BUT THE SHELF SAID..." from your vocabulary, they can't understand you through your accent anyway.

Now when it comes to social stuff, it's mostly trial and error, with mostly error. That’s the learning curve with this one.

But maybe I can save you some pain and social awkwardness and clue you in to some of my social faux pas discoveries.

If you’re like me, who grew up watching my underwear spin around in the sun, on the line, outside; for all the world to see, then yes – you’re a typical Australian. 

We dry our clothes outside, except on the odd occasion that it’s raining too hard, when we dry our clothes outside, but under the veranda. What a great word, veranda. Don’t use it here. 

There was always that moment of stomach-dropping doom when you realized your friend/ boyfriend/ extended family were coming over, and you’d left your bra’s and whitie tighties outdoors, and flapping in the wind.

Where am I going with this. Here, nobody has a clothes line. At least I haven’t seen any, and definitely not the brilliant hills-hoist contraptions we have, which build your muscle mass and provide wonderful perching points for your neighbourhood kookaburra. Everyone, it seems, uses the dryer.

If you’re as novice as I am with this, then be careful – sometimes, or in my case all the time, it shrinks your clothes. When I first arrived in Seattle last year, I came with a suitcase of modest, beautiful Spring-like dresses, and one week later, I was the talk of the town; now donning butt-exposing, tight-fitting, scandalous pieces, and belt-like, crack displaying skirts. Be careful.

Also money. Ours, as you know – is plastic, untearable, indestructible and ccomes in beautiful, multi colurs but theirs, it’s paper. And the same size. And green.  Farewell the days of looking into to your wallet and making quick calculations, because now - $4 and $400, look and feel exactly the same. 

They also don’t wash as well. In fact, they don’t wash period, and putting them in the washing machine creates a tissue like effect, and one almighty puzzle challenge for you. Check your pockets, buy some tape.

On the plus side there is no minimum for using a credit, or debit card. 

Recycling isn’t really a thing here. Strange right? There’s no Hornsby Shire tri-bin recycling system, in fact – people don’t have council colour coded bins at all. 

On bin {trash} day, everyone just puts out what they have, in whatever bag, in whatever form. There’s no distinction. I was asked a couple of months ago, if in the fourth bin – beside general, green and recycling waste – I put my human rights. I said no, they were taken by the queen.

{^ I’m joking by the way. I love the queen, don’t we all? It’s a foreign concept here. And that? That sarcasm right there? You’ll need to majorly tone that down, if not – get rid of it completely, because you’re more likely to insult people, as opposed to make them laugh. Yes, even your sense of humour is culturally defined.}.

6. HANDY HINTS FOR DAINTY DIFFERENCES

Not only can you no longer talk, but you also can't spell anymore. I have a university degree in Writing and I still - can't spell anymore. General rule of thumb and other fingers, is that if it has a 'u' down under, take it out. 

Flavour becomes flavor, honour honor, colour color, favourite favorite and the list could go on and on. Get used to seeing those squiggly red lines all over your perfect word document. 

Also befriend freaking out about the date. We say day-month-year and they say month-day-year, so never fear; your flights aren't four months early, and they haven't added twenty something thousand more days to your year.

Netball isn't a thing, rugby isn't really and cricket certainly isn't. Learn the rules of football and do your self a favor {without a 'u'}, and just support whatever state you're in.

Light switches flick on and off the opposite way, just to make your life more difficult, and showers are terrifying and confusing to turn on. Basically spin the dial and lift the little notch on the bath tap {which, by the way, is now a faucet}.

Look before sitting on the toilet, the first couple of times at least. They are lower, and wider, and the bowl is much more full with water.  Let's be honest, I've accidentally stuck my hand in there a couple of times, when reaching down.. you get the point. Look.

7. THINGS YOU HAVE NEVER NEEDED BEFORE

- A time converter sheet, taped to your wall. With four sets of daylight saving, and nearly 12 hours of time changes, it's just easier. Write it up and update it as need be. Conclude early on that if you want to talk to people back home, it's going to be really late, or really early, and it's always going to be inconvenient.

- A winter coat. Jumpers, cardigans and jackets do not count, because this isn't just cold, this is literal ice cubes, blasting on your face and body, every inch of your body, the second you step outdoors, every day in Winter. Why? Why does the world get this cold? I do not understand, and I do not like it. I'm talking ugly, big, thick, you-need-a-coat-rack kind of coat. And "sweaters" are a thing too, hello 1945. But snow is great! and beautiful, and so much fun. It just comes with coats, and gloves, and hats, and thermals, and big power bills, and beanies.

- Power adaptors. Lucky for us, it's easier for Australian's to come to America, then American's to come to Australia in this regard. We have a higher voltage, and so our things don't blow up, they just don't charge half as well. Greatest thing I've ever done? Bringing one adapter and a power board with me. Saves me scrounging around my walls for multiple power points {now called outlets..}. Due to the voltage issue I would recommend just re-purchasing certain items, like hair straighteners and blow dryers, because they work half as well, or get half as hot.

- Coffee creamer, ah yes, the very stuff I just made fun of. Pouring real, straight, flavoured cream into your coffee? That's disgusting. But the thing is, it's so disgusting it's amazing. Like eating an entire reel of bree cheese, and dipping your fries in ice-cream, there is just no parallel. All other coffee to me now tastes only like inferiority. Hello, hello and welcome, you fat, delicious, cup of joe. 

- A Winter make up: Ive had a sad, sad moment these past few weeks. Since I've been buying my own makeup, for probably close on ten years now, I've always had the same colour. "Pure Beige"; in case you were asking. I looked up at myself a few weeks ago and I said to myself, I said 'Bec, your face is a very different colour from the rest of your ghastly white skin'. Never, never ever, never never ever have I been this pale. Never have I needed to tramp the aisles of makeup and try and match a less tan tone to my Snow White complexion. The sun is not as hot here. The sun is not as frequent. People spend less time outside, and my blinding body is proof of that. Winter is a thing. 

- An ice scraper. For scraping the ice.

- A converter app, centimeters to inches, kilometers to miles, Celsius to Fahrenheit, and general confusion to basic understanding. Get one.

- Footwear, other then thongs. It's a sad day when you realise that your faithful havaianas from 2006 will no longer be counted as appropriate attire for all occasions, every day. Snow boots, for one, are a must have.

All in all, I wish you the bets of luck! It's a great nation, filled with so much variety it just blows my mind. There are some great experiences here that you can't get anywhere else, and with all the differences, and difficulties in those differences, there is also a lot, lot, lot, lot, lot of joy to be had and found. 

If you have questions, or comments, or just want to holla' at me and say 'hey I know what you mean!' then as always, I would simply love to hear from you. This is community, after all right?

G'day! Hello! Goodbye, ya'll.